But mad north, north west
by ChipsPlease
Summary: "Father loves me best, you know." The smile is powerful, too tight, too cold, not a smile but a smirk, blinding, terrifying - "But mother loves you better." Three visitors come to Azula after the comet.


**Disclaimer: Avatar the Last Airbender does not belong to me. Neither does Hamlet, no matter how often I steal titles from it.**

**Warning: Spoilers for the finale.**

* * *

**But **m a d north, _north_** west**

**xxx.**

"_We'll be the best of friends, of course."_

_The girl recoils slightly at the outstretched hand and too tight, too cold smile. But then she glances back at her family, at the perfect match set her sisters make, and she shakes the hand firmly._

"_I'm glad you think so too!"_

_Her smile is too tight, too warm. She pretends she doesn't notice._

**xxx.**

Ty Lee visits the most in the beginning.

She is, in many ways, the same as always; cheerful, bubbly, and completely oblivious. But her façade cracks more often. Sometimes her smile stretches a little too wide, a little too far until the edges sink under all that weight and it's not so much a smile as it is a grimace. Sometimes her voice goes a little too high, a little too strained so that the words sound fake and lost and empty. Sometimes her eyes are a little too large, a little too clear so that she sees everything, and everything is too sharp and focused so that it stings a little when she looks at it.

Sometimes she is a little too tight, a little too warm, and they both know that she was never genuine.

It hurts Ty Lee to realize that – _and the too tight, too cold, smile comes out in triumph –_ so she lies to herself and her aura clouds around her, claustrophobic and close.

One day, Ty Lee comes and doesn't pretend. She lets the smile sink, and the voice strain, and the eyes sting, as she dissolves the string that ties them.

(it's a thin string, ty lee can just barely balance across, but it gets finer and finer and she doesn't want to fall. not like that.)

"We were friends once, weren't we?"

Too tight, too warm.

"No."

Too tight, too cold.

Ty Lee nods and leaves. She doesn't come back much, after.

("left for kiyoshi island," the nurses say, trying to be kind. but the smile is tight and cold, and it knows why. it knows why.)

**xxx.**

"_You can be my friend, if you want."_

_The girl does not react to the request. At least not immediately. She does not really like that smile (that is not a smile but a smirk) or that sense of ownership in the eyes. But she is smart and knows better than to disobey._

"_I would like that."_

_She almost mirrors that smile (that is not a smile but a smirk), but it requires too much effort and she needn't bother. They both know she's lying. _

**xxx.**

Mai visits once, and only once.

Unlike Ty Lee, she makes no pretences (never had, of course) and she doesn't say a thing. She just stands and watches; cool and detached and maybe she doesn't feel a thing.

(except, she does, and they both know it. she hurts and she feels and she fools and she betrays and it's all for a coward and a traitor whose scarred and maybe just a little bit broken.)

Two can play this game, though, and the air is silent but filled with unresolved questions and unfound accusations. It is uncomfortable, and they don't have to do this (not really), but neither will break and neither can leave.

Until the smile (that is not a smile but a smirk) appears filling all the empty space, and Mai can finally cut the remaining bond.

(it is a clean cut, only one knife is needed, and it slices with surgical precision. mai does not fear the fall for she already has another sturdier lifeline. still, it hurts for just a moment. it always does.)

"I can't believe I once feared you."

Her eyes stare at the smile (that is not a smile but a smirk).

"You should've feared me more."

But she doesn't, and the smile (that is not a smile but a smirk) falters just a bit.

Mai leaves and does not look back.

("married the new fire lord, must be very busy," the nurses say trying to explain. but it's useless because the smile that is not a smile but a smirk understands already. it does not want to understand more.)

**xxx.**

"_Father loves me best, you know."_

_The boy stares up, cringing at that powerful grin that is too tight, too cold and not a smile but a smirk. It is blinding and terrifying-_

"_But mother loves you better."_

_-and most of all it is a lie._

**xxx.**

Zuko comes and he goes, and there is no pattern or cessation to his visits. He makes himself unpredictable.

He is usually calm during these visits, uncharacteristically so, and he talks about forgiveness and second chances and it-doesn't-have-to-be-this-way's. The lack of response does not deter him, and maybe this has become his new mission.

(for he is zuko, and life is never complete without something to fight and struggle for. preferably if honor is on the line, and maybe it is in this case. or maybe he is just a sentimental fool who can't let go.)

One time he gets angry. One time he almost gives up. One time the powerful grin that is too tight, too cold and not a smile but a smirk flashes. One time the rope that binds them is almost burned.

(he almost lets the fire blaze it all away. it would be much easier, so much easier, to just let it smolder until dead. but he has learnt control now, and he isn't prepared to kill it yet. never yet.)

"I knew where mother was."

He stares.

"Why…? Azula, why? All these years… WHY DIDN'T YOU? Why didn't you tell…? We could've saved…"

He almost breaks. Completely this time, with no coming back.

But the grin grows too large, until it reaches the eyes where it was never a grin but tears that are noisy and messy and imperfect.

And then he knows that it was just a lie. It was always just a lie.

("your brother is here to see you," the nurses say and they think it very grand of him to come. but the powerful grin that is too tight, too cold, not a smile but a smirk, blinding, terrifying, and most of all a lie does not think so.)

(it never did.)

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**A/N: Er, yeah, so I kind of watched ATLA over the summer and it's sort of consumed my life now. How I missed out on this awesomeness before, I don't know. So yeah, this idea jumped upon me and though it's probably been done to death I had to write it. I just love crazy characters. Initially this was going to include a lot more characters visiting Azula, but I eventually thought that it flowed better with just these three. I hope I made the right decision! **


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